Mmm.

It all goes by so fast. In the moment, though - this specific 'right now' seems frozen. It's not. It's molten and twisting and falling in on itself before it expands once more.

They always say 'it'll be better in the morning', but this is the first time that wasn't true. It's one of those jarring moments when you realize that your reality isn't actually what you were dreaming. It's this consciousness that has the potential to be so many diverse things - even as you're scraping at one face of the crystal, you realize you could look at it through another facet. Relocate yourself until you see magnificent spectrum of colours.

I don't know, I have a headache. I woke up this morning wanting to fight, which was unexpected after the peace of 3:30AM. I woke up wanting to do anything humanly possible (but most just yelling and fist-clenching and breaking small things like pencils) to turn this whole thing inside out, upside down. There's a tiny voice in my head telling me to chill out, but maybe later.

This whole thing feels like a ridiculous ocean metaphor, and the tides are hitting me hard. First there's an "Alright. This makes sense." But then a wave of my previous hopes sneaks up to the sand and I'm reminded. I know, however, that it's only a matter of time before it's k.

To those of you reading this, I hope it's vague. Though I also hope you know that this emotional state is only visiting me. Don't fear for me. Pushing through all of this is still love. It's having a bit of a hard time because it's kinda crowded up in here, but it's there and it's winning.


Sigh.