New Years Resolutions

Well, here we are.

Sitting at my mothers' computer desk, listening to her techno-esque remixes of Eastern tunes, it's hard to feel as though this day has any sort of exceptional title. But then my brain kicks in with a reminder that this is what most people would call, "New Years Eve". After this reminder, images and connections flood my mind; the Friends' episode when Joey kisses Chandler, a colourful foil banner written in capitals, and a flashback to last New Years', which I spent alone, cleaning and watching DVDs of TV shows.

My heart aches when I think of all the things that've happened this year. Not because I miss any of them; They will always have their own place in my memories and present state. They are the building blocks on which I stand to see over the island in my kitchen. Why miss something when it is always with you?

I've changed rather drastically as a person. I feel as though I've peeled away several layers of what used to be myself, and now I'm able to use my voice. I'm able to use my feet to dance and my lungs to sing, and these are abilities I wasn't aware of last year. I'm thankful for their places in my life at this point in time, and I can't wait to realize all of the other dormant passions that lie, hidden, in this web of Fate. It's going to be exciting, yes?

For the thousandth time, I want to thank my friends for scooping me up before I hit the ground in March. That was a rough time, and then you bandaged me with swingdancing and song and fire. Literally, fire. I am so grateful. You guys are probably the best thing that's happened to me in 2010.

School was a blast. It went by so quickly, I have to remind myself that it happened in the first place. But yet, after one semester at college, my heart is unsatisfied and antsy. She is unclear, yet, in where she wants to go, but the world is opening it's arms to me to showcase safehouses in foreign places, to which I am drawn like a magnet. I belong nowhere at the moment, which is the beauty of never knowing what lies around that next metaphorical bend in the road. Even if I did have time to prepare myself, I'd probably end up doing it wrong and, consequently, get hurt. I take comfort in the fact that I trust myself. After all, I am an improviser. In essence, all humans are. There are no lines, no scripts, in this life. I am afraid. I do not deny that. But I also will not give power enough to my fear to stop me from doing the things my heart tells me. I trust in God, and I trust in my ability to listen; as long as I'm not listening with my ears.

It will be interesting to look back on this post in a year from now.


Resolutions for 2011

1. Eat nourishing foods
2. Love
3. Live without regret
4. See clearly
5. Accept
6. Dance
7. Treat body with kindness and appreciation
8. Remove blinders
9. Minimize anger and eliminate hate
10. Abandon ego

At the stroke of midnight, I pray these ten resolutions manifest themselves. I'll meet them halfway. Now, I should likely get off the computer and prepare myself - I have 4 hours before I get to go see a large group of people I love. It's going to be an amazing 12+ hours, and though it'll be over before I can say "Happy 2011", it's just one more building block.

I love you all, whoever is reading this. I hope you have an amazing year. Press yourselves to make the most of it, and you'll have fun. Trust me.

I Do Believe It's Christmas Eve

It's an interesting day for plans to change on a dime; now I have no idea what to do with my evening. My original Christmas eve was going to be spent at my Dad's, but due to the fact that sleeping space is tight, I'll be spending the night at home with my mother and brother.

One would assume that family activities would fill my night, along with general holiday festivities. But it's raining, I have a headache, and none of us really feel like playing the modern-day-traditional game of Monopoly whilst sporting Santa hats. My brother's occupying his computer room, and my mother has spontaneously decided to renovate the main floor of the house, and I'm pretty sure that (on some level) I'm using the computer to reach out to anyone else who may want to interact on Christmas eve. Not like people will be with their families, or anything.

Literally, my mom is periodically asking us if she can burn documents of ours that she's found lying around. The room smells like symbolism and detoxification. My cat's on my lap, hanging her head off my thigh and staring at the floor. Maybe she's dozing. Maybe I'm dozing.

Once in a while I'll look out into the night and my thoughts will float to a Christmas party or something, and part of me yearns to go to one. Not sure why, seeing as I have a headache and am generally fatigued. *insert distressed cussing here*

Talk to you later, internet.

Persuadeo, Persuadere

Oh, Latin. Oh, Eastern Religion. Oh, Complementary and Alternative Medicine, and Women's Studies. How I shan't miss you when our two weeks are through.

I shouldn't be ungrateful, however; I've met some wonderful people and made some amazing connections during my first semester in college. I just need some time off to figure my shit out.
I'll make good use of my time. I promise, but only to me, because I needn't prove anything to anyone else. Loves.

G2G, mama's here - and I have a girly sleepover to attend.