Honesty, Honestly

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely; never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you;

Just the way you look tonight.

/fml

Congestion

This is happening. I'm going to force myself to create a substantial blogpost even though my eyes will soon droop and the energy will ebb from my fingers.

This is a cry for help. I'm not in danger, but I am trapped by unpredictable fatigue that induces time-wasting decisions.
Guess what I did today? Stayed in and watched VHS's.
Guess what I did yesterday? Stayed in and watched DVD's.

Look, Universe, I don't know what you're doing, or what my energy bodies are doing, or what the FUCK my brain is doing, but where is my energy going? I'll learn from it if you'll just tell me, or fix it, or answer some of the dispiriting questions that have been bombarding me lately.
That's IT! Those fucking questions! Those are what's killing me.

"Why do I get out of bed in the morning?"

And so on.

Maybe answers, or CHANGE. That might be it, change. Some fantastic pick-up event out of fucking nowhere.
I can't even play guitar without trailing off in the middle of a song. I can hardly pick myself off of the couch after watching a Julia Roberts movie. I'm afraid to say that my life is uninteresting because that would make me
A. Ungrateful as shit
B. The target of "Be careful what you wish for" situation
And I do not desire to be either of those things.

But WHAT will it TAKE to break free from this pattern? This is stagnation! Frustration!
I'd write a song about it but I'm so emotionally and spiritually constipated right now that I can't even begin to conceive a chorus.

My outlets have been removed, and now I'm exploding but my skin isn't bursting. The pressure is building, and this isn't healthy. This isn't the same blowup-impending feeling I've experienced before, this is different. This is leading to some sort of epiphany or complete and irreversible meltdown. It's like I'm bored, through and through, in my heart and soul and brain and body and I just need to be electrocuted. Maybe I'll go across the street and get someone to smack me upside the head - but that wouldn't answer my religious questions, or satisfy my craving for human contact.

All of this venting is so deeply rooted in the marrow of my ribcage that my face is entirely expressionless as I type this. Noticing that makes me want to laugh, but I'm not laughing. I'm not crying, I'm stone still except for my hands and wrists and arms. This is fucking weird.

Lady Fate. I'm begging you. I don't want to be robotic anymore, breathe some life into me.

New Age Fiction

I have 4 minutes before class. Whoopsies - But I wrote a short story.

*******

I woke and rose from the bed, the red quilt spilling from my warm, sleep-flushed body. Dust motes sparkled and danced in the golden light of the sunset.
I was alone.

Maneuvering skillfully around sacks of books half my height and tiptoeing around the scattered stones on my creme carpet, I found clothes with which to dress myself. Upon exiting my stuffy sanctuary, I was struck by the cold clarity of pure air. The desert stretched far to the double horizon. A strip of orange sky boasted beauty between the two Earths. I looked up to the Second, and saw the same business and busy-ness that I saw with each glance upwards. I gave a gray sigh.

I pulled my chair out from under my table, the legs of it scraping against the rock and packed sand. I sat at my table eating my toast with blackberry jam, and wondering.
I wondered how they always knew what to do next - like there's an endless list of tasks they adhere to. I wondered what would happen if I jumped high enough; would I fall back down to my Earth? Or would I fall to theirs? If I did, where would I get my list? Who would tell me what to do?

I could feel blackberry jam on my lip but the silence told me to leave it. I got up from the chair and stretched, extending my arms to the world above. I couldn't decide if I admired it, or thought it silly.
Upset with my confusion, I sat on my bum on the ground and began to sink my fists into a soft patch of sand. Despite my angst, I wondered idly if my small, delicate fists had the potential to hurt my Earth. Fearing the answer may be yes, I withdrew my hands and placed them in my lap in shame. I sat like that for a while, frowning tearfully in self-pity at the disturbed sand.

I heard the wind before I felt it, but then a kind zephyr fluttered to me and caressed my face as a sign of acceptance. I leaned back on my hands and lifted my chin to open to the zephyr, but my attention was tugged by the sensation of soft movement under my hands. My Earth was reacting to my touch; a lush and thick green grass sprouted fluidly from between my fingers. The zephyr smiled and stole away with my breath. I lifted and turned my body to face this new life, but when I withdrew my hands, the grass wilted and died. I was deeply saddened, but not without hope.

I bent myself until my lips touched the Earth, wishing life and color upon the ground. She responded avidly, and in an instant my desert was transformed into an emerald haven. The blades tickled my cheek as I lay, and whispered secrets into my ear - secrets the stones and dust had never told.

Rolling onto my back, I smiled with every fibre of my being at the Second, loving it without knowing it. The grass smiled with me until the orange strip of sky faded, and the stars woke up.

Revamped

Hey friends.

I know it's been a while, but I've been elsewhere doing elsethings and haven't had the willpower to blog. Anyways... I'm going to have a nap now. Good talk.

Wishlist.

My birthday's coming up + I have 3 hours to kill... :

1) Magic Bean Necklace

2)Boss Key Earrings

3)Red Riding Hood Paraphernalia

4)More RRHP

5) Dinner with friends

6) Tango Poster

7) Japanese Amelia Poster

8) Trippy Poster

9) For the back of my bathroom door

10) YES PLEASE OH GOSH

11) Monster Tee

12) Oz Tee

13) Lil' Red Tee

14) Water Balloons Shirt

15) Epic Tee

16) Bitchin' Boardgame

17) MmmmRetroGaming

18) Medkit Tee

plz

/self absorption...fornow