Wanna Huggle a Vegetable or a Butler or a Doctor. :(

Good evening, again. Apologies for my earlier frustration. It was rather frustrating.
*Woodfall*
I am cold.
I am cold and I want to be warmed up.
I am cold and I want to be warmed up with cuddles and nuzzling and playfullightlove.

Or maybe I don't give no shits about that. Maybe all I care about is the competition of whining and wanting.
I can't tell anymore. It's been a long time since I've turned into a robot.

I tried to watch Batman Begins, but Megavideo cut me off after 72 minutes. Fuckit. I didn't even get to see Dr. Crane. Guess I'll have to rent the thing.

I think I've just turned into the most pathetic, fixating, needy little woman on the earth. My emotional state is dependant on these three VERY unstable variables to the point of wtf.
Like, it shouldn't matter. But it does. I can kick the habit though, right?

I LOVE staying home and blogging on Friday nights. It's super great.
:
I wish I could stomach a boyfriend. [Long story].
Sorry I'm so annoying, guys. V, B, D... yeah. My b. I'll tone it down little.

Today was an alright day. I wish there was healthier and/or more food in my belly.
What will it take for me to fall asleep? I've entered a trance. Fucks.

Tigertigertigertigertigertigertigertigerplz.

Birthday Wishlist:
$$$
Batman Begins
Ocarina [thinkgeek.com]
A NEW COMPUTAAA [Alienware? fuck i dunno]
Banyan Books Gift Certificate
FUD

Got Twisted Sexual Playground?

WHY MUST PEOPLE BE ONLY INTERESTED IN CONVERSING WITH ME WHILST I AM TRYING TO WRITE EROTICA?! HOLY GODDAMN

Carrot Crackers.

I wonder why I'm so weirdly uncomfortable right now.
And sad.
And like.
Wanting to punch someone.

But also happy.
But also a weird mix of emotions I can't decode.
And like wanting to eat something or write something.
And wanting that something to come true.

I put way too much of myself into one area of my life. And that area may be the cutest, funniest, most stimulating part of my life atm, but it's not healthy. I don't know how to change it, however.
I'm sure it'll get better, soon enough.

A [Not you, you!] Wow. HELLO OR WHATEVER
R [srsly] Please. Justlikeyah.
K [dblbgmc]

KABOOM!

Venonat, I CHOOSE YOU.

Hey Baby.

Listening to Billy Connolly.
Now, listening to Robin Williams.

I am confused and would like someone to explain this situation to me. Because I don't know how one person can seem so wonderfully enticing at one moment, and then turn around and tear your heart out with the jaws of rudeness! Except a lot less dramatic and shiat.
Brb. Sending a lastresortmsg.

Changed mind. Wrongwrongwrong. Apparently.

COMMENCE DISAPPEARING ACT IN
5...

4...

3...

2...

*POOF*

An Itch On My Heart That I Just Can't Scratch. ...ew?

[Oct 23rd]

Oh, hey. What's up.

I know I've been neglecting my blog. Whatever. Fuck it.

I've been playing a lot of Arkham Asylum, and I don't know what the hell kind of weird complexes I've developped, but I TOTALLY have a thing for The Riddler, and Scarecrow. Moreso Dr. Crane because the mask makes me shit myself in fear. W/e w/e.



So tonight I went to a party. No drinking. I went for a reason that may have been petty or naive, but it meant a lot to me, so I just was like, hm. I'll go.

And I did, and I enjoyed myself. I made a friend here and there, and watched some amazing antics. I was... um, what's the word... a wallflower. Yes. Except more like a couchflower. Made a friend. It was nice.



The walk to the car was the part that was... disappointing. I don't know if I should've taken the information I received with a grain of salt, but I'm purdy sure I got enough salt from the tears that followed after. I'm alright now though. I guess it's just one of the possible truths I've been running from. It isn't losing a competition,this time. It actually hurt and I don't know exactly why.



Tomorrow shall be interesting.

Nananananananana BATMAN

O hai.
NEKKIDBLAWGGIN

I have a surprising amount of energy for a Sunday night. 2 minutes till WISHIN' THYME
The boy... Oh, the boy. Friday night was a good Boy Night. Such a quest. Slight annoyance by the name of *cough* but that's workable. If the Boy wants to be worked. Oooooha.
1 minute till wishin' thyme.

Sunday was a bad Boy day. He gawn! Ah well. Soon enough.
Last night was good alone times, though.

WISHIN':
* **** **** *** *** *** * **** * **** ********** *** ** ***** ** **** *** **** **** *** ** ***** *** ****** ****.

Teehee.

Last night I went shopping at Value Village for like 2 hours all by my lonesome. It was pretty great. I should hang out with me more often. Found some siiiick shiiiiat too.
Anyway, I'm losing interest in this.
Don't wanna talk to you no mo.
<3 luvnstuff

My Face and Legs Are On Fire!

WANT.

Hahahahahha Wake Up Kiera.

Kiera's sleeping behind me. Poor bb hasn't slept in like 36 hours... I hope she doesn't sleep for a lawng time, because she made plans... I'll wake her up in 10 and we'll see what happens. Chances are she'll feel like shit. I have LMFAO playing pretty loud, and she hasn't even stirred... lol.

I like glasses. They fun. Weird pains in my leg and back are less fun. Texting is fun. Work tomorrow is not. Tonight hopefully will be. Tomorrow night almost definitely will be as long as I don't send any drunken texts to certain vegetables.

Grr... I should wake her up...

Owl City, Eh?

Today was like, fine... fine... woah, awesome... uh, help! OMGHOLDME, what do I, uh... happysigh, glance, grasping... chill, impatient, giggle , sigh, meh, ah, stress, what?!, fuckfuckfuck sorry, crack joke quick quip, shrug, shout, yell, coo, pat, seethseethseeth stopfuckingtouchingmystuff, loner!, tiramisu? thanks, blankblankblank wtfwhy ugh shitshitshitheavysleepingsleep want to cry whoops sry RT, meh, Kelli, lol, lol, omg, wtf, yay, ain't so bad, The Birds and the Bees!! <3,

My grad write-up was like bleck. Wasn't too bad. I guess. It all got jumbled together though.

On the boi front... hm. I don't know. I'm not overlooking my little twinges of doubt in search of a bigger, uncomplicated happy. Not this thyme! But still. I've come down a little bit from cloud 14 because it was ridick and creepy. I'm bettur nao. And aware of my silliness.
Less fun, I know. But healthier. Less Grade 7 shit, too. Oh, man. Grade 7... I feel so bad for all the boys I had crushes on. XP
I think I apologized though. Awkwarrrrd

I miss the dances. They were so innocent and shit. I never get to slow dance anymore. It's so nice. I wish people slow danced nowadays instead of kissing. Well, not really. But kissing is gross. I guess.
It's like, the mushiest part of the face! WHY?!

Last one, pinky swear

Good Gosh.

Two out-of-bodies in one night? Fuuuck.

Back nao.
Want the boi.

Pants Are For LOZERS

Well I said it wasn't just a physical thing. And it's not! I swear, it's not. I like... Oh, sighsmile. See?!
But I can't stop thinking about it. Or what it would be like.
Gahhhhhhh
My poor C block class. I'm so moody with them.

Feel better Kelli, I miss you! <3
I'm on the phone with hurr.

I HAS SNIFLS

Facebook 11 Fail.

Yay. :)

I think. We'll see.

Haircut = *thumbs up*
A Block = *thumbs up*
Psych = *thumbs down*
Art = *thumbs down*
New Makeup = *thumbs up*
******* = *thumbs up & heart beating*

:3

Today was... good. Today was good and a lot of goodie goodness. :) I'm like, good overdosed.

'Member what I was talking about earlier? I got my fix today. OH boy. OOHOHOHOHOHOH boy.

Bottle Up and Explode, Mr. Manstein.

I am psychic. I can tell when people are making out. I just proved this to me and two other peeps. ;)

I wish I wa- nevermind. I shan't even go there.

Erm.... showertime!

Oh Boy.

Sitting in the drama room. Gaddamnit I hate having a cold but today has been pretty fair-enough-awesome.
I can't stop thinking about it. It's kind of annoying and frustrating but I also love it alot. Grrrrrrrrrr<3

Shower Tears.

I'm expending the remainder of my energy on cooing along to Jack Johnson and sitting up. And texting a person.

I'm pretty sure I've got a fever because my head is hot and my shoulderblades are icy cold and I keep feeling weird currents of lightheadedness course through my spine. ...Shitty. Like today. I've decided today was shitty.
With random intervals of desperate laughter and Kiera being awesome even though I'm... I don't know. Renovating.

I just had a shower and halfway through shaving [one leg] I put down the razor and shed a few tears. It was kinda weird, like a scene from a movie. I'm okay. I just don't like being sick and stressed and lonely sometimes. Sometimes I have fun with it. Today was not one of those times.

I hate not being able to communicate with people properly and not being able to do anything about it. I hate having dreams about old friends who hurt me, where in the dream they do something to make up for all the wounds they'd caused and maybe even re-igniting a "thing" I had for them.

My web is tangled. I think I'm going to sweat it [the cold, and this baggage] out with my fever overnight. It's going to be interesting. And not restful.I want to go to school tomorrow, though. I'll just load up on the painkillers and refrain from making contact with anyone. Which doesn't appeal to me. I could really use a cuddle right now but I don't feel comfortable enough to ask the one I want to cuddle me to cuddle me. And, I'm raging sick.

I'm sure Big Bear will cuddle. He's inanimate and doesn't have a choice. ... :( <3

Wouldn't that be the saddest/funniest thing ever? A stuffed animal just hates it's owner so much?The Passive Aggressive Panda. Wow.



I am a wreck.

I Smuggled Wine From a Church.

Today may be one of the greatest and weirdest days of my life, world.

You know those family gatherings where you learn crazy shit about your relatives? ...yeah. Today, after a 7 hour shift at work, I donned a pair of killer heels and a strapless dress and when with the mama to my cousin's wedding reception. I sat at a table with my mom, grandma, and my aunts and uncles.
Now technically I'm only related to my mom by blood... but that shit doesn't matter after that many beers. I'm not a fan of beer, but since it was a little more subtle than doing shots of my uncle's vodka, I settled. Next thing I know my aunt's throwing rice at my mom and I, and I'm hearing SO many stories about how my mother, aunt and uncle used to terrorize their old, rich babysitter. My mom was the one crawling up the laundry chute and scaring the shit outta her. Then, probably the third time I had to go downstairs to use the washroom (which reeked of WEED, might I add), I saw my aunt in the stairwell as she was chatting up two other guests. I started up the stairs, and she yelled, "BITCH, GIMME THOSE SHOES!" and I ran. I love her. But I ran.

It eventually escalated to the point where my grandma, aunties and I were all dancing like fucking maniacs to I Will Survive, while I flipped off my uncle because he refused to dance. Then his wife took a picture of me while this went down. YESSSSS

Work was shitteh. I cleaned. Big whoop. Was also sick.
I'm a beastmonster. I woke up this morning unable to move because I was so sick. Then I worked a 7.5 hour shift and then drank beer with grown-ups. SICK.

Tomorrow should be pretty chills. I have nothing planned and there's a tickle in my throat.
Does want new hurr. Cut 'n dye. Not all of it dyessss. Sum. Like under. Like... under. I don't know what the fuck...

Deep-Dish Makes for Mouth Burns.

Good day, all in all.

A block: Drama.
B block: Skipped Art - Drama.
C block: Peer tutored Drama.
D block: British accents, then silence, in Psych.

After school I had an excellent shower, then played some Mirror's Edge. Woke mama up from her nap and then drove to Leah's... good times. Didn't hit anyone. Was proud and whatnot. We caught up, talked, walked, talked, got cookies, ate, talked. It was yummy to see her again and the cookie-wafers were nice! [Swap-em?]

Listenin' to Metric, thinking about how I should have slept 5 minutes ago... Oh shvell. I have 25 minutes to fall asleep, and I'll still get 8 hours. I've got to work tomorrow, 10-5... It shan't be too bad, I don't believe. I'll probably be spacing out while I clean, the whole day. And thinking about... things. It's weird... I have many crushes, but they're all on caucasian boys. This is mixed up for me. Maybe I'm changing. Well, that's inevitable, ain't it?

I feel rather gangster atm. Huge gray NW sweater, wet hair & baseball cap. I love pj dress code. Pants optional. iPod broken. Feelings about this yet-to-be-determind [ytbd, fyi]. [thnx]. [np]. [ily].

Being a grade 12 has impacted me more than I thought it would, atchi.
I feel very maternal to my C block, even though they're a bunch of raging beast children. I still make tea for them and tell them to stay in school. Maybe I, the Peer Tutor Tyrant, have a soft spot for them. Or maybe I'm experiencing a mood swing, magnified by sleep deprivation and giddiness. I don't care either way right now.


The past few days, life has sucked. I'm still teetering on the edge of suckiness because of some recent happenstances that need to be cleared up, and because I have to get up in less than 9 hours and work a 7 hour shift... But at least I'm not breaking down on my dining room table with my mother and the polka music as witnesses. I think, this is a step up.

Yesterday made me want to break something, though. Preferably something that would shatter dramatically. Martial arts was ridick-ulously frustrating. But still fun. And I enjoy talking to ma bois. <3

Tomorrow's Work, Wedding Reception, ???, Sleep. Sunday... [ytbd].

Ooh, and I have a crush. 2, but one I think hates me a lot. I think the one I rly lyke only hates me a little.
Again, at least I'm not breaking down on the dining room table. Step. Up. Crushcrushcrush ouch. I've been crushed.

Why's it called that? It ain't so bad. I love actors. I love acting. Sigh. Drama. I experienced profound appreciation for it today. I should get to bed... Still waiting for a thing though. A thing.
Goodnight world. I'm tired. Let us cuddle.




Oh, wow. The boy who I thought wouldn't, just did.

And then I learned more about myself.

I eat chinese food when I'm mad, 'pparently.
Chilling at Kiera's, overnight. Who said we can't have sleepovers on schoolnights?
OH YEAH IT DOESN'T MATTER WE'RE DOING IT ANYWAYS.
Good day kinda I guess. Improv tryouts. Taekwondo. Got my ass kicked. Same old, y'know.
Some new stuff. Won't tell. SECRETS, ASSHOLE.
Happy Burfday, Kiera's Muvver. <3 <3 <3
And, three cheers for frozen dragonfruit and sunflower seeds and people. People are good today.
Some, anywho. Some I want to throw down and palm-strike in the face. LOL