Claws and Flaws

My life is taking a drastic turn towards the different and renewed.

Perhaps I've been wanting this for a while - not to say that my life has ever been stagnant or unmoving - that may have been my perception at the time, but the flow of time is like water cascading downwards. Now I sit in the dark of my living room with my cat on my lap, alone for the first time in what seems like weeks. I am tempted to feel sad, but I just feel calm.

I have learned so much in my life. How can this be, when I am aware of only a portion of what I do not yet know? I know general facts, how to check the oil in a car, and some specific and bizarre facts with which I doubt anyone would be bothered.

I feel so human today.
I don't often feel reptilian or amphibian, mind you, but today I experienced physical pain and happiness and loneliness and the very real need for affection. It's quite interesting how there is a general stigma against wanting to be in contact with others. It's humbling, the way we can't exist unless we exist beyond ourselves. There would be no purpose, otherwise. And as Mr. Smith stresses in the Matrix trilogy - purpose is integral to existence.

I want to be so many things. There are little hints that float about inside me that could easily be transformed into practiced movement and sound. I want to become a DJ, a street artist, a free-runner, a drummer, a dancer, a singer, counselor, a preacher, a rapper, a mother, a wife, a child. I am all of these things, somewhere. Some don't exist to the outside world, yet. However the potential is there, and it is real. The potential could be so gripping and valuable if we could see or use it.