After spending the last two hours immersed in a book about spirituality and purpose, I am thoroughly at a loss trying to think of something worthy to do with my time.
Hence,
blogpost.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
I'm Sipping Tea as the Sky Falls Down Around Me.
It's actually just the roof, though. They're redoing my roof.
I feel comforted. I woke up this morning (at 10, having slept through an hour of roofing-sounds) feeling comforted on every level of my being. It was rather unusual, but I'm not complaining.
I think I have the beginnings of a cold, causing my throat to feel somewhat dry and worn, but for some reason this makes me feel safe. As did the numerous blankets I was swaddled in.
Yes, I'm experiencing pangs, but the future seems kind. When I look outside and feel the time passing, I sense no malice. No sympathy, since there is nothing to fear. No apology. Life is time and time is always moving. Thus, I must keep moving with it.
So let's go.
I feel comforted. I woke up this morning (at 10, having slept through an hour of roofing-sounds) feeling comforted on every level of my being. It was rather unusual, but I'm not complaining.
I think I have the beginnings of a cold, causing my throat to feel somewhat dry and worn, but for some reason this makes me feel safe. As did the numerous blankets I was swaddled in.
Yes, I'm experiencing pangs, but the future seems kind. When I look outside and feel the time passing, I sense no malice. No sympathy, since there is nothing to fear. No apology. Life is time and time is always moving. Thus, I must keep moving with it.
So let's go.
Eminem Is Stuck In My Head.
Have you ever experienced that sad love? It's unmistakably love, but it makes your heart hurt.
I'm using my brothers computer, and behind it there's a small bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies, and I pictured him eating them and it makes me sad that I barely know him.
This day was absolute crap, and then it got better, and then it was absolutely awesome... And now, I'm experiencing the inevitable sadness of the end before the beginning. I had no idea I'd be this emotional and cranky when it came to going to college, and normally I'm able to live up to my self-proclaimed flexibility. But I'm really latched onto this whole thing, hm? I never would've expected that leaving high school behind forever would be easier than starting something new and exciting. Because it is new and exciting, I just... fuck, I don't know. My expletive can probably communicate my point better than a full sentence.
I am sad. I was sad when I left high school, but now that is simply a fact of life. I've graduated, and there's no regret or anguish attached. But this sad makes me want to turn around and run back down the up escalator... And though it works in real life (if you happen to be agile enough), in this metaphor, it doesn't. In this metaphor, it's impossible to get back down to wherever you came from, and the easiest, wisest, and scariest option is to shut your mouth, take a huge breath, and wait for the Moving Stairs of Unstoppable Change to take you to your destination. At this point in the metaphor, I'm a small brunette girl with a helium balloon, weeping and cautiously hopping down the stairs, the futility of my actions not registering in my undeveloped brain.
I was about to type that I'm going to miss this. I don't know what I mean by "this", but it's what I don't want to let go of. I didn't type it because I don't think I will. I don't miss high school. I cherish the memories and experience I've gained, but I don't yearn to return there. My time there has ended. The friends I've made have stayed with me, and it is these people, and these dynamics, and these unparalleled times that I'm weeping for.
I don't mean to be melodramatic, I really don't, but I seem to have made some unintentional decision to quit pussyfooting around the truth.
Well, most of the time. Honesty's more fun, if only because of shock value.
I think I'm tired, but I might be too scared to sleep. That thought will register as my head hits the pillow, but it won't matter when I get to that place between conscious and not-so. That's where the craziest shit happens, and it's hilarious.
I know it'll be fine, but sometimes blogging about stuff feels as good as a thorough cry. And, this way, I needn't deal with the running snot and puffy red eyelids. Maybe.
I re-pierced my helix today. Because I was bored.
...I think I'm reckless.
Fuck, the roofers will be here in 7 hours and 50 minutes... I should get to bed.
I'm using my brothers computer, and behind it there's a small bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies, and I pictured him eating them and it makes me sad that I barely know him.
This day was absolute crap, and then it got better, and then it was absolutely awesome... And now, I'm experiencing the inevitable sadness of the end before the beginning. I had no idea I'd be this emotional and cranky when it came to going to college, and normally I'm able to live up to my self-proclaimed flexibility. But I'm really latched onto this whole thing, hm? I never would've expected that leaving high school behind forever would be easier than starting something new and exciting. Because it is new and exciting, I just... fuck, I don't know. My expletive can probably communicate my point better than a full sentence.
I am sad. I was sad when I left high school, but now that is simply a fact of life. I've graduated, and there's no regret or anguish attached. But this sad makes me want to turn around and run back down the up escalator... And though it works in real life (if you happen to be agile enough), in this metaphor, it doesn't. In this metaphor, it's impossible to get back down to wherever you came from, and the easiest, wisest, and scariest option is to shut your mouth, take a huge breath, and wait for the Moving Stairs of Unstoppable Change to take you to your destination. At this point in the metaphor, I'm a small brunette girl with a helium balloon, weeping and cautiously hopping down the stairs, the futility of my actions not registering in my undeveloped brain.
I was about to type that I'm going to miss this. I don't know what I mean by "this", but it's what I don't want to let go of. I didn't type it because I don't think I will. I don't miss high school. I cherish the memories and experience I've gained, but I don't yearn to return there. My time there has ended. The friends I've made have stayed with me, and it is these people, and these dynamics, and these unparalleled times that I'm weeping for.
I don't mean to be melodramatic, I really don't, but I seem to have made some unintentional decision to quit pussyfooting around the truth.
Well, most of the time. Honesty's more fun, if only because of shock value.
I think I'm tired, but I might be too scared to sleep. That thought will register as my head hits the pillow, but it won't matter when I get to that place between conscious and not-so. That's where the craziest shit happens, and it's hilarious.
I know it'll be fine, but sometimes blogging about stuff feels as good as a thorough cry. And, this way, I needn't deal with the running snot and puffy red eyelids. Maybe.
I re-pierced my helix today. Because I was bored.
...I think I'm reckless.
Fuck, the roofers will be here in 7 hours and 50 minutes... I should get to bed.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
The Joy of Painting
That show is like a glimpse into another dimension, where magicians have afros and make sound effects while conjuring waterfalls. Like, shit.
Today was a decent day. It has come to a bittersweet ending for silly reasons that I do not control, but I'm considerably apathetic due to my exhaustion. The reality that some of the greatest people in my life are leaving is sinking in. This is not what I'm apathetic about. Believe me. I feel like I could be excited about starting college (Oh yeah, hey Tuesday what's up see you soon), but a new beginning means an end, doesn't it? I don't mean to focus and whine, but I really am going to miss the wonderful friends I've made.
The Departed is a ridiculous movie.
DiCaprio: "Is there any reason you might have a tail?"
Old Cop Guy: "I don't have a tail, I don't have a tail!"
I was looking for a funny picture of a guy with a tail to put in link, but all I found was this, which was adorable enough to end my search. Anyways.
I just gave an enormous sigh, and I think that, and my flushed cheeks, express my feelings better than words can at this moment.
Good day.
Today was a decent day. It has come to a bittersweet ending for silly reasons that I do not control, but I'm considerably apathetic due to my exhaustion. The reality that some of the greatest people in my life are leaving is sinking in. This is not what I'm apathetic about. Believe me. I feel like I could be excited about starting college (Oh yeah, hey Tuesday what's up see you soon), but a new beginning means an end, doesn't it? I don't mean to focus and whine, but I really am going to miss the wonderful friends I've made.
The Departed is a ridiculous movie.
DiCaprio: "Is there any reason you might have a tail?"
Old Cop Guy: "I don't have a tail, I don't have a tail!"
I was looking for a funny picture of a guy with a tail to put in link, but all I found was this, which was adorable enough to end my search. Anyways.
I just gave an enormous sigh, and I think that, and my flushed cheeks, express my feelings better than words can at this moment.
Good day.
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