Mraaaaaaaaaaah

Guess what I had for breakfast this morning? Honey Sunshine. Not kidding, that is the name of my cereal.

I feel braindead and sluggish and I want a nap but tonight I'm going to dinner and a movie with my mom and her friend, Nicole. I'm looking forward to it. We're going to see Eat Pray Love, which my mother suspects will not be profound enough to satisfy my thirst for enlightening movies. I've gotten used to the industry, and I'm not snobby. I like fluff, I do. I also like thought-provoking movies. And funny movies. I've just found it hard lately to thoroughly enjoy a movie without getting distracted by, "I paid money to watch this. Why..." Anyways. I probably didn't communicate the point I wanted to... I don't know if I had a point... Do I ever?

This morning I woke up. Good start to a day, I know. Showered, then put on a face mask and pulled some tarot cards. I hope I'm not seeing through some elusive and manipulative lense, but most of the cards I've been pulling lately have been telling me relatively similar things. And, things I already knew on some level, but need to surface. Gash, my nails are getting too long to type. It's kind of bizarre. It feels like I'm typing with those fake nails I used to put on when I was little.

I wish appearances weren't so important. When everyone's so inwardly focused, they're hesitant to dance or slide in mud. I miss mud, I want mud. I want snow and Christmas and romance and a pet elephant with whom I can telepathically communicate. Anyways.

Friday night, my little cousins are coming over and I'm babysitting them overnight. It should be fun, and engaging. Recently, I've realized, my maternal instincts are kicking in. It's scary, but it's like I'm waking up or shedding a cocoon or something deeply symbolic and metaphorically cliche like that. Whoops, that was actually a simile... My mistake.

I was in an overpriced clothing store with my grandmother the other day, when a confused little girl (probably like 5 or 6 years old) came up to me and put both of her tiny hands on my thigh and looked up at me. It was literally heartwarming. I was immediately confused at the pure truth of that cheesy expression. When she realized I wasn't, in fact, her mother, she took her hands off of my leg and stumbled to her real mom. I was filled with this (once more, confusing) sense of longing. Then my brain flooded with teen pregnancy warnings and Rocksolid flashbacks. Whew. What an interesting development in my life as a young woman. Here it comes...

I was reading a book called "Women Who Run With Wolves" a couple of days ago, and I think that was probably the catalyst for this change. There's no way I'll be able to explain this as well as the author, who is a psychologist and astounding poet, but I'll make an effort.

Basically the introduction to the book was an explanation of the basic female energy. The Wild Woman archetype is simply a personification of said instinct, to help the audience relate to "her". Before Revlon and Wonderbra, the only concerns of women were love and expression. The most emphasized of loves were her children, and her mate. If you'd like to know more about it, get the book. It's fantastic so far, and I'm a tad bashful to admit I shed a few tears while reading it. She speaks so passionately about something I only related to as an aching echo in my chest. When my family used to go on hikes and I would nap on a moss-covered slab of rock, I felt the ache. When I'm drawn to animals, domesticated or wild, I feel it. It's like I've forgotten something, but it's not out of reach. That's what lies within all women, however molded or changed we are by modern stimuli. The basic energy of the trees, the earth, the animals. The energy of Eden.

Go ahead and think I'm crazy. Honestly, I'm so used to it. If I let it hold me back, I'll just explode.

Anyways, in my opinion, that's what's becoming of me. This "Wild Woman instinct" is all wakin' up and stretching and ready to run with reckless abandon to the nearest... anything.
I'll tell you something, though. Loving is a lot less complicated when your head isn't involved. Sure, loving from the heart increases minor chest pain, and shortness of breath, and heart palpitations... but doubt dissipates. Let's just say that I'm glad for that, and those of you who know my backstory will understand why that is.

I'm going to get on my way, now. But if you'd just do me one tiny favor today... Don't wear any makeup. Just don't do it. And follow one impulse (harm-inflicting impulses are exempt from this request) you normally wouldn't. Read a book outside. Say something to someone you were too scared to yesterday. Lay starfish'd in the middle of the room and sing at the ceiling.

I dare you.