How Many Looks

If I were still upset and longing and all that stuff, I'd ask the dramatic, rhetorical question;
"Where are you? :'( "

It's a good feeling, though, having that sentence in the conditional. Because I'm not.

I've learned over the past fourteen years of my life that people change. People change and leave and some will float in and out of your life. Sometimes you don't want them to leave - and sometimes you do. Having a breath of fresh air when one person leaves is quite the contrast when the absence of another makes you suffocate.

I think the most important thing that these experiences and attendance sheets have taught me is that there is always an imprint. Sometimes it's a scar, and other times it's the faintest little outline of someone's lips on your cheek. It can burn and it can sear or it can make everything seem like a Claritin commercial.

Honestly, I have known people who have ruined my life, and the imprint they left was the most important. It starts out as a deep wound that heals wrong, and for years I felt like a nervous dog. It's hard to get close to people, and even harder to speak up for oneself when they decide to get close anyway. Then something switches, and maybe it's a someone. Maybe someone sees you as you are, and they fall in love with you for everything. They tell you you're beautiful and you know that they mean it - especially since you picked your nose in front of them and don't wear makeup.

That kind of love can heal those wounds. Even when that person removes themselves so abruptly that it causes another cut.

That love that healed you remains - even though that someone has probably fucked off forever, it doesn't matter. Sure. I'll miss them. But friendship and family love has the same effect. Time doesn't matter. Grudges don't matter. Petty little human emotions don't matter - all that matters is that we matter to each other.