Ache Me

Another rough patch. Yussss.
I want to get to the point in my life where I actually revel in my sadness and angst, knowing that even though things suck, it's only because they're gonna get a lot better really fast.
Today, I can't even muster the positivity to turn the light on. Consequently, I'm sitting in bed, in the dark, talking about how things suck. My God, I'm pathetic. This would be really funny to me if I weren't so heart-achy... I'm even listening to Coldplay. There's a weight in my throat and chest, though, that's weighing me down from laughing.

I want to be lifted - it's been so long that this has been hurting and I want to be okay. I can see it: what I would look like if I weren't as holey as Swiss cheese... There's an image of me in my mind, and she's gliding through this patch with ease. Peacefully, she's accepting of all the things she feels and is faced with. Maybe I'll eat and then try that on for size. I want to be more like my cat, in the sense that, by default, she is smiling. How do I get rid of just wanting to cry?