NeoCitr-Ass

Just kidding, it's not that bad. Excuse my small injection of childishness.

My, I do have some issue relaxing, don't I? My brain constantly whirs, planning out the best and worst possible outcomes of a potential situation in which I might be in, possibly, some undetermined span of time. I try to keep the roots of my tree dug deep into the soil, I do, but the wind is strong and I am tempted by the shape shifters.

I know this feeling well - the "about to embark upon an adventure" thrill and fear. I feel this way about most parts of my life at the moment. It's hard, sometimes, to refrain from looking back, and I admit that I do steal a glimpse once in a while. I wonder if there's something wrong with the way my heart feels a tug at the memories I tried to forget.

ANGST

I cleaned the kitchen today. I was asked to, but I don't know if I was expected to do it. I wonder what it means. I wonder what it means that I put two tiny little braids in my hair and made an effort to dress myself in actual, presentable clothes (mind you they are all either men's and or second hand but fuck you it's a Zelda shirt). Something inside me is healthy. Something inside me is breathing and ready to wake up... After such a long incubation, there is only a thin film to break through. The timing, though, is important. I need to know I can fly.

It's exhilarating and frustrating at the same time, knowing that I am a bud, bursting to bloom, aching to flourish as the sun caresses my petals. It's such a sweet sensation when I've remained in the darkness for so long. Another rebirth is coming, I can feel it, and I pray I start to unfurl this very second.

I want to work. I want to make money and make people laugh. I want to write a book and write a play and write meaningful letters to leave on your porch as a nice, stalker-love-note.
I feel so much potential inside of me - I am struck by fear that this is projection, but I know that these possibilities are fluttering about my head in a crown of cosmic butterflies.

So. Much. Possibility.

I want to stay clear and clean so my inner intuitive and healer and warrior and all my different skins can breathe and speak to me when they need to. I want, I feel, I need, I hear.

Let's shine our shoes and get on with this wild ride.