Durga's Fire

I've been feeling a lot more drawn to blogging lately, so here I am. As a brief summing-up of where I'm at in my life right now:

1. I adore my job. It's nurturing and challenging and ever-changing, and I've grown a lot because of my experience there. I sincerely hope that I do not ever have to look back on this time of my life and feel regret that I didn't appreciate this opportunity.

2. I'm growin' up. I still make fart jokes and binge on junk food when I feel like crap and indulge in much silliness - but, c'mon. If those things can't come with me into adulthood, who wants to be an adult, anyway? Aside from that, though, I have found myself carrying a lot more responsibility, lately. Be it family or work or friend issues, I have commitments. I have savings accounts. I have goals and ambitions and drive, and it's totally rad. I'm growing into it slowly, but it's amazing. It's comparable to the feeling of feeling a really great workout and waking up sore the next morning. Hurts like a bitch, but it's the burn of progress.

3. I'm working on a dream/plan to explore Australia for 6-7 months next year. One of my savings accounts is actually named "Adventure Funds", and, that's what I plan to spend all of that money on. I even have a large political map of Australia hanging in my bedroom, with tacks marking the places I plan on stopping. So far there are two on either side of the country, but I'll make it work. Shit's gonna be off the hook.

Now, to begin my intended post. As a preface - I have been feeling a rather strong pull to a deity by the name of Durga, as of late. I've been wanting to engage more in a spiritual practice lately, but have felt rather lethargic and scared. Another part of me is cowering away from exploring that due to a relationship that I formed with a wonderful group of people who introduced me to Christianity. I chilled with Jesus for a while, and I chilled with these people, and I feel like I opened up like a flower. Now, though, I have grown away from them as they have grown away from me and, though I miss them every once in a while, I feel this is as it should be. I choose not to label myself as a Christian or a Buddhist or an Atheist or an Agnostic, because, as a good friend of mine said - Fuck labels. I feel that if I were to apply a label like that to myself, I would be doing a favor for the person who receives it. They don't need to waste their energy trying to learn me or what I believe - if I feed them a word like that, they can draw on all of the knowledge they already had. This is a bias, a preconception, and, more often than not, a misconception. But, I digress.

Durga's fiery warrior energy has been stirring in me. I have been meek and mild with waves of passion or even violent urges (in Tae Kwon Do or emotionally trying situations), but after tonight, I feel that this fire will be closer to the surface, should I need to call on it.