Oof!

Come, spiders and thieves! Let us extinguish our woes and fears and sorrows in a blaze of spontenaiety and flaming determination!

I'm drunk and playing Ocarina of Time and I have to work tomorrow.
lol.

Full Moon

I realized, I've never felt like more of a misfit. More uncomfortable, more out of my element.

And sitting here, I've never felt more alone, misunderstood, or isolated.

If you're judging me because of the mascara trails on my face right now, remember your judgements

next time tears are rolling down your cheeks. Human.

My family never used to bother me, but I never was fully hit by the constant nitpicking and negative shit-talk. Now I have to play a part at every fucking social gathering because of the downpour of disapproving glances and whispers. Just because you're blood doesn't mean you have any right to say whatever you want. That's crap. Honestly there are probably only three people who could come close to comforting me right now. I don't know what to do. I literally feel so entirely lost and weak, and angry at my helplessness. Some sort of shameful, teary violence and desperate protectiveness. What the fuck? I'm not even making any sense.

I want out of this room, of this city, of this feeling.

New Jade

Oh, the feelings one feels.
I'm a confused little puppy recently, but I haven't lended my confusion much though. I figure everything will be revealed in time. It'd be nice if all of my feelings were convenient, but when has that ever happened? Yesterday I bought something that made me consider the fact that perhaps I've pushed through the meaningless charade. Perhaps. But lately I've been constantly wondering that, I got what I wanted. Do I still want it?

I had a weird dream last night. I went to this thrift store with my mom, and I was looking at this iphone (I don't know... anyways) and the girl said the display was "tacky". Like, sticky.
Then she turned into a boy and started cuddling me while I looked at the iphone. He then insisted he go with my mother and I to lunch. Wtf.
I keep having dreams about school, for some reason. I've had 3 dreams by now that I've started Bio and been behind in the class. It's really messing with my perception of reality.

The Bravery.
I keep sneezing!
I don't know what to do today. I want ouuut.

So... Tired....FIRE-EYES

Greetings.

Tonight was pretty wonderful - The lovely Jr. Improv team absolutely shone. I love you guys so much, you did great, even though you guys aren't gonna read this. I feel sort of bad we were being so obnoxious. I guess I just feel like an embarassing parent.

Tomorrow I've got an improv photograph, and a lunch with Grandma to get to.

Fingers crossed about somethin' else.

I'm feeling so many feelings but words can't describe them. It's like a longing to know the future or a longing to feel or a longing to dive headfirst into something I WANT. I want to want. I cannot force myself though. That would be... a mistake. That leads nowhere.

So far so good though.

I want to care. And I do.

Oh, how cryptic... Copyright. Haha. You wouldn't understand anyway.

I love you.

StretchYawn!

I am content.


FreshMusic: The Bravery, The Hush Sound, Placebo, Mute Math, and the Mirror's Edge Theme.
FreshHappy: Smirk.
FreshCuriosity: I can't wipe the grin from my face or my mind! *?*


Today's a day for lazy contemplation, flooding my brain with music, and second hand clothes.
Off to VV with me. <3

MERGE

Now here, I have a question.

How common is it to start crying for no reason? Well not no reason. Maybe it's a song you like and haven't heard in a while - or maybe it's just a buildup of things [not necessarily bad] that need to be expressed somehow. Maybe it's totally human and nobody talks about it, or maybe I'm just a freak or alien or something. An especially weird crybaby freak or oversensitive alien.

I wouldn't be surprised...

This week is break, then next week is semester 2 of grade 12. Fuck, right? Right. I have no clue what I'm going to do after high school. I want to make money or go to school to get a job I give a shit about.

Some nice quotes between my biffle and I recently:

K: It just seems like a really good place to take a shit.

**

K: Young padowan.

S: Teach me the way of the sexual inter-force.

**

I am very very sleepy and it's 3:30 in the morning. I'm just afraid I won't be able to sleep. I could be as tired as I am now [very] and then just lay there and not be able to stop thinking. IT SUCKS. Especially when I'm blank for the rest of the day before bed.

I'm not sure who I'm talking to when I blog. Like... who reads this?

LadyCake

Let's bake some!