Body Lullaby

When he got off of the train, I jolted, mostly due to the fact that I was under the impression he was going in to hug me. It was an arm pat though, so I smoothly saved some integrity by waving. He walked away. He didn't look back.

And this is all fine. The surprise and the deflation I felt were fine. My unspoken words,  my chained-down heart, they are - it is - fine.

Maybe it shouldn't be, and maybe it won't be for long. It's hard to tell, I think. Is this person a crutch for me to want and not have? Somebody on whom I can lean while exiting a separate emotional situation, but who will not be coming with me? Probably. 

It was funny how vividly I could hear and see him singing Moondance, in my head.

I am a confused little bear. I've been trying so hard to write more, sing more, feel more, be more, but I had a little inkling today that maybe I should just relax. I should do what I want to do, relax into the flow, and perhaps it'll all come that way.

I should sleep. I want to sleep. Maybe I'll do some trip planning tomorrow. 

I am so full of love for everything, everyone. Goodnight, world.