New Years Resolutions

Well, here we are.

Sitting at my mothers' computer desk, listening to her techno-esque remixes of Eastern tunes, it's hard to feel as though this day has any sort of exceptional title. But then my brain kicks in with a reminder that this is what most people would call, "New Years Eve". After this reminder, images and connections flood my mind; the Friends' episode when Joey kisses Chandler, a colourful foil banner written in capitals, and a flashback to last New Years', which I spent alone, cleaning and watching DVDs of TV shows.

My heart aches when I think of all the things that've happened this year. Not because I miss any of them; They will always have their own place in my memories and present state. They are the building blocks on which I stand to see over the island in my kitchen. Why miss something when it is always with you?

I've changed rather drastically as a person. I feel as though I've peeled away several layers of what used to be myself, and now I'm able to use my voice. I'm able to use my feet to dance and my lungs to sing, and these are abilities I wasn't aware of last year. I'm thankful for their places in my life at this point in time, and I can't wait to realize all of the other dormant passions that lie, hidden, in this web of Fate. It's going to be exciting, yes?

For the thousandth time, I want to thank my friends for scooping me up before I hit the ground in March. That was a rough time, and then you bandaged me with swingdancing and song and fire. Literally, fire. I am so grateful. You guys are probably the best thing that's happened to me in 2010.

School was a blast. It went by so quickly, I have to remind myself that it happened in the first place. But yet, after one semester at college, my heart is unsatisfied and antsy. She is unclear, yet, in where she wants to go, but the world is opening it's arms to me to showcase safehouses in foreign places, to which I am drawn like a magnet. I belong nowhere at the moment, which is the beauty of never knowing what lies around that next metaphorical bend in the road. Even if I did have time to prepare myself, I'd probably end up doing it wrong and, consequently, get hurt. I take comfort in the fact that I trust myself. After all, I am an improviser. In essence, all humans are. There are no lines, no scripts, in this life. I am afraid. I do not deny that. But I also will not give power enough to my fear to stop me from doing the things my heart tells me. I trust in God, and I trust in my ability to listen; as long as I'm not listening with my ears.

It will be interesting to look back on this post in a year from now.


Resolutions for 2011

1. Eat nourishing foods
2. Love
3. Live without regret
4. See clearly
5. Accept
6. Dance
7. Treat body with kindness and appreciation
8. Remove blinders
9. Minimize anger and eliminate hate
10. Abandon ego

At the stroke of midnight, I pray these ten resolutions manifest themselves. I'll meet them halfway. Now, I should likely get off the computer and prepare myself - I have 4 hours before I get to go see a large group of people I love. It's going to be an amazing 12+ hours, and though it'll be over before I can say "Happy 2011", it's just one more building block.

I love you all, whoever is reading this. I hope you have an amazing year. Press yourselves to make the most of it, and you'll have fun. Trust me.

I Do Believe It's Christmas Eve

It's an interesting day for plans to change on a dime; now I have no idea what to do with my evening. My original Christmas eve was going to be spent at my Dad's, but due to the fact that sleeping space is tight, I'll be spending the night at home with my mother and brother.

One would assume that family activities would fill my night, along with general holiday festivities. But it's raining, I have a headache, and none of us really feel like playing the modern-day-traditional game of Monopoly whilst sporting Santa hats. My brother's occupying his computer room, and my mother has spontaneously decided to renovate the main floor of the house, and I'm pretty sure that (on some level) I'm using the computer to reach out to anyone else who may want to interact on Christmas eve. Not like people will be with their families, or anything.

Literally, my mom is periodically asking us if she can burn documents of ours that she's found lying around. The room smells like symbolism and detoxification. My cat's on my lap, hanging her head off my thigh and staring at the floor. Maybe she's dozing. Maybe I'm dozing.

Once in a while I'll look out into the night and my thoughts will float to a Christmas party or something, and part of me yearns to go to one. Not sure why, seeing as I have a headache and am generally fatigued. *insert distressed cussing here*

Talk to you later, internet.

Persuadeo, Persuadere

Oh, Latin. Oh, Eastern Religion. Oh, Complementary and Alternative Medicine, and Women's Studies. How I shan't miss you when our two weeks are through.

I shouldn't be ungrateful, however; I've met some wonderful people and made some amazing connections during my first semester in college. I just need some time off to figure my shit out.
I'll make good use of my time. I promise, but only to me, because I needn't prove anything to anyone else. Loves.

G2G, mama's here - and I have a girly sleepover to attend.

Documentation

I have water boiling on the stove to make myself some delicious gemelli-carbs. MMM.
I don't know why everyone hates calories. They keep you alive. Most people miss the point of food, I think. Anyways...

Today after I'd departed from the skytrain station, I decided to take the long way home. I ended up at the park, and the sky was drizzling just a little. Like it was bored and spitting at the rest of the world... Anyways, I sat on a swing, pulled down my hood to free up my peripheral, and began to sing.

All of a sudden, I was swinging like 6 feet off the ground, just belting at the view below me. It was pretty neat - I hadn't made a conscious decision to start swinging, but it was like the music had driven me to pump. A small group of crows congregated on a wood plank in front of me, and I sang at them. They ruffled their feathers when I began to sing Elton John. It was cute.

It got cold eventually, but it was a good feeling. Even though I was physically exhausted, it was sort of as if I had refilled my emotional HP. Sorry to be such a nerd. By the way, that means hit points and definitely not Harry Potter. BRB PASTA


It's not hard to guess where this energy's coming from. LOL.
Time does go by so quickly, doesn't it?

My Cat Just Sneezed On Me Four Times

I spent 68 dollars on headphones today. I think I need a hug or a slap in the face. But, I feel like I would be pretty stoked on life if I didn't physically feel like crap. Maybe. Fuck it I'm going to sleep. And just so everyone is aware, I was having a good day until 5 minutes ago, so I wanted to perhaps disprove all the misconceptions that ALL I do is bitch about life. I mean, it's not far off, but still.
Also, who wants to blog about life when they're off enjoying it? I mean, really.

Any Outlet, Every Outlet

I had an amazing afternoon and evening, yesterday.
Holding the attention of the people I care about, I thought, would be entirely nerve-wracking. But all of a sudden they were smiling and laughing and it got warmer and nicer.
And, do you want to know a secret?
I made the same wish when I blew out my candles, and when I made the first cut of cake.
I hope that's allowed, because I did it.

Swing dancing was great, the birthday dance was great, etc.
And so of course, this morning feels very cold and quiet in comparison.
Though, I am deeply thankful. For a lot of things, actually.

I just feel a little speechless.

SONGS LYRICS THAT DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL

I just woke up from a 3 hours nap, it's dark, I am bittersweet and something in my heart hurts. CUE BARENAKED LADIES

I feel fine enough, I guess. Considering everything's a mess

And now - Oh, Billy Joel? You got somethin' to say?

If you said goodbye to me tonight

There would still be music left to write

What else could I do, I'm so inspired by you

That hasn't happened for the longest time

I don't care what consequence it brings

I have been a fool for lesser things

I want you so bad, I think you ought to know

that I intend to hold you for the longest time

...Voila.